I lowered my hands. “I lose myself.”
Nathan put down the sandpaper.
“You won’t lose me.”
“I know.”
“Then we figure it out.”
I nodded. But sitting there in the quiet of our kitchen, I thought this was the bottom. This was as bad as it got.
I was wrong.
Seven days before the wedding—a Monday—I was grading papers at my desk during lunch when I decided to call the florist. Just a quick confirmation. Routine.
The phone rang twice.
“Magnolia Florals. This is Dawn.”
“Hi, Dawn. It’s Vera Westbrook. Just checking in on our order for Saturday.”
A pause. Too long.
“Ma’am… that order was canceled 3 days ago.”
The pencil in my hand stopped moving.
“Excuse me?”
“Your mother called. She said the wedding was off.”
I hung up. My fingers were shaking, but I dialed the caterer.
“Miss Westbrook? Yes, we received the cancellation Thursday. Your mother said—”
I hung up again.
I called the venue.
“I’m sorry, Miss Westbrook. Mrs. Diane Westbrook called and canceled the reservation. She said the family had decided—”
I didn’t let her finish.
I sat at my desk staring at my phone, and I felt the ground beneath me dissolve. Not crack. Dissolve, like sand under a wave.
I called my mother. She picked up on the first ring, as if she had been waiting.
“Mom, you canceled my wedding.”
“I canceled a mistake.”
“That was not your decision.”
“Everything about you is my decision, Vera.”
I gripped the edge of my desk.
“I raised you,” she said, her voice flat and even. “I fed you. I buried your father alone. This wedding—your wedding—it’s mine to give or take.”
Something shifted inside me. Not anger. Not yet. Something colder. Something that had been sleeping for 28 years and had just opened its eyes.
“No,” I said. “It isn’t.”
I hung up.
My hands were still shaking. But my voice—my voice had been steady. And that surprised me more than anything my mother had just said.
The room was very quiet. Twenty-two third graders were at recess, and I was sitting alone with the wreckage.
I don’t remember driving home. I remember the kitchen floor, the cold of the tile through my dress, the way the afternoon light made a rectangle on the wall that moved so slowly it felt like time had thickened.
I wasn’t crying. That was the strange part.
I was just sitting there, my back against the dishwasher, my bag still on my shoulder, staring at nothing. Nathan found me like that when he came in from the workshop, sawdust on his forearms. He looked at me and didn’t ask what happened yet. He just sat down next to me on the floor, close enough that our shoulders touched.
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