She was twenty then, barely an adult herself, but she said she would take care of everything. Everyone praised her for being strong. For stepping up. For keeping our family together. No one saw the other side. In private, she would look at me with this tightness around her mouth, like I was something she had been forced to carry up a hill that never stopped climbing. She never said I ruined her life, not out loud, but the message came through anyway in all the small ways. The sighs when she had to sign my school forms. The way she tossed her keys onto the table and said she could not go out with her classmates because she had to check on me. The nights she reminded me that she had dreams too, dreams she had put aside for me.
Back then, I tried so hard not to be a burden. I cooked dinners, helped clean, studied until my eyes hurt, and worked part time at a coffee shop even though my grades were the only thing I thought might ever make her proud. I kept waiting for the moment she would look at me and see someone worth loving, not someone who needed managing. When I got accepted into a good college on a scholarship, Evelyn congratulated me in front of everyone. She told our aunts and neighbors how proud she was, how she always knew I would shine. Then later that night she accused me of leaving her behind, of moving on without her, of making her the one who would be all alone. She cried in a way that made me feel guilty for wanting to breathe air that was just mine.
I carried that guilt for years. Even after graduation, even after getting my first job as an IT project coordinator, I kept trying to make things easier for her. She always found ways to remind me how much she had sacrificed, how much she had given up for me. And I believed her. For a long time, I believed every word.
Maybe that is why I started renovating the condo Mom left behind. I found the old key tucked in a shoebox of her things when I was packing for college. It was a small place in Racine, a little outdated, but it had her handwriting on the deed. I fixed it up slowly over two years, ripping up carpets, painting walls on weekends, sanding cabinets until my arms shook. I wanted it to be a place where Evelyn and I could start fresh, where the pain of losing our parents could become something softer if we just lived inside those walls long enough.
And for a while, it worked. When I brought her there after finishing the kitchen, she stood in the doorway looking stunned. She hugged me tight and told me no one had ever loved her like I did. I held onto that sentence like it was the last warm thing in the world.
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